Decsion time

Today is Day Six of our new Get Fit regime. I tried to stop eating, that made it worst. I ate more crap and less goodness and felt worse than ever. I tried appetite suppressors; they failed miserably because I still refused to get off my butt. So I wallowed in my hideous fat and got even more depressed.
I always thought that my ‘true friends’ would tell me if I were becoming fat, unhealthy and ugly. Well mine did not, I got the same old. “Oh but you have had a kid, it’s ok to be bigger now”... Why is it ok to be bigger now? Is it ok gain copious amounts of weight after having a child? Is that what mothers are meant to do? It’s so accepted to let yourself go after having children that it’s normal. YUCKKKKKK I have had enough!
After grocery shopping and realising that I had gotten FAR too much junk food and processed crap (for myself not the child, I feed her well. I just failed to do so for myself) I set about making my decision. They way my trolley was looking, it looked as though I was stocking up a dairy or cinema not a cupboard. My skin had started to become uneven and spotty, I had always had lovely skin. I had stretch marks (yes sure they are unstoppable) but they were still so purple and bruised. They were still growing. I was having trouble fitting into clothes that I liked, I would wear tights and a long top or dress everyday. My boobs were a F at the smallest. I was so unhappy with myself that I could have probably walked out in front of a car. I mean I was not huge, but going from a size 10 to a size 16 is a huge deal to me. I asked myself ‘How the f**k have you become this woman? It’s not you’. There was my answer. . I was no longer myself. AHHHH Imagine realising you had lost yourself. I wasn’t finding myself on the sofa or in bed, sitting at the computer, I was loosing myself more.
I no longer felt sexy and confident, two things I was so well known for (ha-ha okay so maybe not well known for being sexy but I always thought I was). I felt like another ugly-frumpy-plain-blend into the background kind of woman. That’s not me, I can’t be that person.

I got home and sat on the stairs while DD (darling daughter) played around outside. I was drinking my second energy drink of the day, they did nothing for me, I gained no energy from them but I believed I did. Jeez I must have donated hundreds to those companies. What a waste! DD came up the stairs showing off her Puku (stomach) to me, she asked to see mine. I actually turned to make sure no one was around before she lifted my shirt. That is how ashamed I was! She then so innocently said to me “Eww Mummy Puku, yucky Puku.”
The straw that broke the camels back> BAM instant... I chucked on some shoes and put DD in her pram and began to walk, I walked and walked and walked (not as far as Forest Gump, but pretty far). I walked till I felt like my heart was falling out of my ears and my throat was on fire. I felt so good, I was burning in pain but I remembered how great it was to feel exercising. DD was having a ball walking around exploring. We came home and spent the evening outside playing till it got dark rather than sitting inside. It was bed time and I was rearing to get outside again. I was worried that I would wake up in the morning having lost my eagerness so I packed a bag and got our clothing and shoes all ready. We had a healthy porridge breakfast and set off to walk and walk again. I ran too, I ran till I was faint. What a great feeling, sorry to al the farmers who drove past and seen me flinging around like a creep! I got home feeling great, spent the day outside again. And so on, you get the picture. I started eating properly too. There are a lot of fruit and veg stalls along our roads, so every walk we go on we grab some foods. DD loves getting to pick out what we get. I started smaller portions and more water.
I felt like dying after a day with no energy drinks, what a loser! Who gets addicted to energy drinks!! But every time I thought about a drink, I had water. Water water WATERRRRRR!! I love it now. Not to self: Sorry for polluting you so badly.

The past few days have been raining, sad because we cannot get out and walk. But I have a couple of workout DVDs that I can do inside. Feel like a cheat cause I’m still inside, my legs don’t feel cheated. OUCH lunges. They last an hour each, I do one twice and the other once. I am a sweaty pig afterwards, DIE FAT DIE. DD digs grooving to the ladies dressed like weirdos on the DVDs though, gets her into it too.

So today I am sitting her having a nice glass of water! And looking down I can already notice a difference, nothing major of course, I do not expect nor want instant weight loss, I want fitness and health (with the added hotness that comes with it :P ). This is so much easier than I thought it would be and the benefits from getting off my bum are going to be so worth it.

I had to think about things long term too, I want to be a role model for my daughter in every aspect. I do not want her growing up thinking it is ok to get lazy after having her own children. I want to be able to play with her when she asks and not get puffed. I want her to grow up with healthy eating and exercise habits. I want my child to enjoy life and love herself and most of all I don’t want her to ever loose herself like I did me.

There is neither excuse nor reason to be lazy, I was lazy and that’s it. I was too fat, too lazy and too weak to get better. Well guess what laziness, fatness and weakness you can suck a fat one cause I’m onto your game. You’re going down!!

Anyone want to join me on this journey?

Xx